I would be glad to bring him over for lunch but that I'm not comfortable letting him go without me yet.

Oh yeah, you're perfectly entitled to make that decision. In fact, as I was reading through your article I was thinking, "Well that's a hard one...I don't know what I would do." But there you came up with the perfect solution that will make both you and the grandparents happy. Even if they can't have their grandson all to themselves, that's perfectly your prerogative. If they're decent human beings they'll have no problem respecting that.

Your son is eight months old? I think he would be okay with them but if it makes you uncomfortable stick to your guns. I think kids can only benefit from having many people in their lives who love and care for them. I can understand that there is some bitterness to the sperm donor and his parents by default.

This would be a great opportunity to talk to them about what their relationship with your son is going to be. I would explain that you would rather they had a steady relationship with your son so they aren't strangers to him. I would ask them to set up a regular grandparents visitation schedule even if it's just one afternoon a month. The random visits here or there just don't cut it. If they aren't willing to change then tell them you only want them to visit when you're present or around your schedule.

btw, is their son paying you support?

The child is only 8 months old.  I think you are making the right decision.  As he gets older, and if they want to stay involved in their grandson's life, then longer visits can be arranged.  But 8 months is a bit young, especially since they have not seen him (nor him them) in 2 months.  A quarter of his young life.

I think you're doing the right thing, Charissa. Allowing the grandparents to see their grandchild, while still protecting your son. Keep it up!

I just had a thought that you might want to consider. Too often when a child and his mother are abandoned by the father, the man's parents don't want ANYTHING to do with the child. It's like they're ashamed or just completely uncaring. I would take heart from the fact that they want to be involved - even if it is a hit-or-miss situation like what you've got here.

I'd second Loca's suggestion, as well. If they are going to be involved, and I believe they should (as an Army brat, I rarely got to see my grandparents. As a parent, I'm seeing the difference it makes in my own children's lives being near and spending time with grandparents), then it's going to need to be a little more regular. For your sake, as well as little Nicholas.

Keep it up! And rememeber - no matter how rough it looks, or down you get, your doing one of the most important jobs ever created on the planet. And from what I've read on your blog, doing a good job of it.

Thanks everyone. I'm going to call her this morning.

Loca~ yes he's 8 months but I send him to a couple of different sitters and he's already starting to fuss a bit when I leave and he is real hesistant to go to people he doesnt' know. So I think 5 hours with someone he barely knows is a bad idea. And no as of now he's not but I did file and it's all up to the state now.



Their constant excuse is that they are busy and I understand that. but I have 2 other couples who are more grandparents to him than they will ever be and are invovled in his life daily. So I don't feel obligated to accomodate them just because they feel grandparently at the time.. ooh good word anyways. It is a rough spot to be in and they might be upet but they'll just have to get over it. I think that when you go 2 months without even as much as a phone call that they aren't entitled to anything,

It's hard to want them to be involved when they are not actively involved. I don't care if they don't care about my life but I would like them to invest some time in his. But I told them in the begining that if they were going to be involved it couldn't be a come and go situation so at the end of the year I will reasess the situation and go from there.