so tonight I met brandon's familiy. THey were great. I felt right at home, they loved nicholas, and were very kind to me. The whole evening was a lot of fun. So then we packed up and he took me back to my car and we were sitting waiting for my car to warm up. But I've never felt like I didn't exsist so much as I did while I was sitting there. Sure he was holding my hand, but he just acted as if he didn't want me there, he was staring off in space and just totally not engaged. So I got in my car and just felt confused. He's always telling me how much he cares about me but at that moment I felt so insignificant. Then I got home and we were talking to me and he tells me he was in a daze and such, which is great and I'm glad... but it doesn't make me feel any better. He still tells me how important I am... but ya know how they say actons speak louder than words... well the spoke abundantly clear tonight although I will say it's possible that I just misinterpreted them. We've dated for 2 weeks now and it's been the best 2 weeks ever. I've never felt like this for osmeone and tht's probably part of the reason it seemed so off to me. It just wasn't like him. It was like my ex..and I"m working so hard to keep him from having to pay for Zach's mistakes... but I hate feeling small. and tonight.. i felt small. I know that he'll read this and by the time anyone else does we'll have talked about it. But it helps me to process how I feel to write about it. So.. yea... i guess that's all.