so I found out today that my friend Steven who was diagnosed with cancer awhile back has taken a turn for the worst and they've given him 2-3 days to live. Something about death, it really affects me. I"m not afraid of death, I know my destiny. And I know his. I think it's the idea of the unknown. We never know when something could happen to us, or someone close to us that will be fatal. It's hard to know that death is something I can't control. THat there is nothing more that I can do for his familiy than pray. And sometimes that just doesn't feel good enough. I'm a fixer. I want to make everything better. And I cant fix this, I can't make it go away. I know it's not my job and that I should just move on and deal with the grief, but I can't. Maybe I just dont know how.And what's worse. I hate to cry. I feel weak, inadequate, stupid. Crying is something I don't do. well at least, not that I"ll usually admit to. so here I am awake because I can't fix it, I don't want to hurt and the whole situation just stinks!