It depends. Some people you can just tell "i'm not interested in you". That all, everythings fine from there. But other people... you can't let them down without hurting them, because if they arn't hurt they won't realize that you arn't interested. In that case, be as direct and blunt as possible. Long term it will likely hurt both of you a lot less (although short term might be unpleasant). In the end, you should do what you think is best for you.

I think you just have to be honest. There's a kind way to say things and an unkind way, you know? Go the kind route and say "You know what? I think you're a really great guy, and I'd like to spend some time with you, but you need to know that this isn't going to be going anywhere romantically."

There's no way he's not going to be hurt if he's already that into you. That's not your concern. If his world view doesn't encompass not getting too into a girl without first making sure she is also or could be into him, frankly he did it to himself. It's his stinkin' thinkin' that caused him the pain, not anything you did.

Be completely direct and leave no opening for misinterpretation or misplaced hope. What Marcie said to say...

"You know what? I think you're a really great guy, and I'd like to spend some time with you, but you need to know that this isn't going to be going anywhere romantically."

...is the wrong way to go because I assure you Mr. Clingy will interpret "I'd like to spend some time with you" as meaning there is hope for him. He'll cling to that like a dying man to a life preserver. (Probably ditto for "really great guy.")

Make it absolutely clear that there is no hope for any kind of relationship. If the guy still somehow doesn't get it, cut him off completely and refuse to have anything to do with him.

The sooner he gets the message and finds a new target for his "affection" the better it will be for everyone. That is the kindest thing you can do for him.

ugh! I know that being honest is the best way to go. Especially because, I"ve only known him for a week and already he's on my nerves! He sends me emails at least 3 times a day and if I'm not online he sends me messages!!!!!!!!! It's hard because, since I"m a christian and he wants to go to church and he liked mine I feel torn because I want him to continue to go to church, JUST NOT MINE!!!! Because then I feel like I'm being watched every second! Which may seem selfish, but church used to be a safe place and now I feel threatened! Like yesterday, he came to church, and then has sent me 4 emails since then! Talking about how he can't wait to see me again, and all the nice mushy stuff!!! I have a kid, I can't afford to put my kid in the middle of a situation I don't even feel comfortable with. And I guess I just feel bad that he was led on at all. But i didn't purposefully do anything to give him hope, so I guess I don't understand how he got the idea at all? grrrrrrrr...

Gene is right. He probably did more on his own than you did for him to get him interested. I have a friend that is that way. He always seems to see more than is actually there.

My advice is be honest and don't wait. Do it today. The longer you let this go the more he is going to believe that he has a chance with you. Do it face to face and be stone cold and unwavering. That is your only chance at getting him to understand. He will interpret any language that isn't as clear as "I don't want to see you" as I still have a chance when she comes around.

ok... and there is another twist in the story though. I met him online... a week ago... which I have now vowed never to do again! because I tend to attract the psycho ones anyways... so the only time I"ve actually met him face to face was when he came to my church and I don't know if I feel comfortable sitting down with him face to face ALONE even though I know it's the best way to do it. I don't think he'd hurt me phsycially or anything like that, and I know it's my own fault but still there has to be another way. Our relationship primarily involves online activity AND all instigated by him.

WEll, I told him, and he took it remarkably well.. WE'll see how it goes in the future Thanks for all your help